2014 wasn’t the year I wanted it to be. I had hoped that I would cross off the three biggest items left on my 2014 bucket list, and when that didn’t happen I panicked. Like, severely panicked. And sulked. Why couldn’t things just fall into place? How much more did I have to do? How much longer could it possible take?
It was at some point during this never-ending pity party, that I came across a quote, not unlike others I had seen before, but nonetheless one that struck a chord with me that particular day.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
I thought, why not put this quote to the test — acknowledge and understand my fear, embrace it even, before taking the steps to overcome each obstacle? I had my first chance to practice out on the slopes over the weekend.
When I got to the top of the mountain, my heart dropped into my stomach. I was skiing for the first time in at least five years, and I had no clue what I was doing. On the first trip down, I was stiff, trying to control every move. When I would start to pick up speed, I would bail out — I ended up tumbling my way down the hill. On my second time up, I took just a second to acknowledge how afraid I was. And then I asked myself, what could really go wrong if I gave way to my fear, taking the risks that warranted my feelings? I slowly let my skis guide me down the hill. With each turn, I began to hit my stride and within minutes, I had made my way down the hill without falling once.
I say all that to say, I end 2014 in fear. In fear that I won’t see the world. Have a satisfying career. Get my new beginning, in my own apartment. And yet I am taking all of these feelings, and working through them. And with all of my emotional baggage in tow, I am determined to cross off the last few items on last year’s bucket list in the beginning of 2015.
For all the things I didn’t cross off the list, there were plenty more that I did. Here are a few of my most cherished memories from 2014:
